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The Human Centipede

Culture, Featured

The Human Centipede

2 Comments 05 May 2010

When I had initially read the disturbing description for director and writer Tom Six’s The Human Centipede as, “a nutshell, it’s about a mad doctor who sews the mouths of living humans to the asses of others, in hopes of creating and sustaining a centipede-like monstrosity”, my first thoughts were, I have to see this. When I was done watching it at the IFC theater in NY City, my second thoughts quickly reverted to,  “Oh… I really wish I never saw that.”


Predictable, ridiculous, and uncomfortable, this movie was everything I didn’t think it was going to be.

I must say, I felt let down. How could a movie about mouths getting sewn to asses go wrong? I walked into the theater almost positive this was going to be it; the movie that I could finally walk away from bubbling over with enthusiasm, making others envious at my awe of how spectacular it was to witness the first human centipede…ever. Not.

First off, you have two stereotypical American girls, Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) and Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams), who are traveling throughout Europe, but they just happen to not know how to follow directions or change a flat. You would think that they may possibly be more on the adventurous side, being that they are traveling alone throughout an entire continent. Instead, they happen to be complete inept airheads, who would typically be found gyrating with muscle heads in some Long Island club to the sounds of “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me”?

So of course, they get a flat tire, in what seems to be in the middle of nowhere, while it is raining, in the dead of the night, and end up walking aimlessly through woods. With no houses in sight, they finally end up at the front door of the one house that they happen to stumble upon, which just so happens to be residence of a mad surgeon, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser).

In all honesty, I was able to look past the idiot girls and the predictability, cause heck, every horror movie, is known for its contradicting characters and predictable story line, so I still didn’t totally give up on the movie at this point. There was still hope, and my attention was still there, and I actually was finding all of this quite humorous and entertaining.

Then, to make matters worse, the doctor is the creepiest looking dude in existence. He offers the girls water, and but of course they accept, and who would of thought, but oh no, there’s GHB dissolved in it, the date rape drug!

So after Dr. Lunatic is successful at drugging the girls, he transports them to a bed, where they are consequently tied up, while connected to an IV.

Long story, short, Dr. Heiter is looking for three blood matches, so that he could connect the three together successfully. Previous to the girls, he had captured a chubby truck driver, who he found on the side of the road as he was performing “number two”, shooting him with a tranquilizer-filled dart gun, at his most vulnerable state of outdoor excretion. Fortunately for him, he is not a match with the two girls, and so the good doctor must go out and find the right third, who turns out to be Japanese character, Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura).

Katsuro, Jenny, and Lindsay awake from their sedation, in Dr. Heiter’s cellar, alongside each other, in separate hospital beds. Dr. Heiter is not only kind enough to introduce himself and his background as a surgeon, specializing in separating Siamese twins, but he also takes the time out of his busy schedule, to present them with a visual presentation of how he is going to perform the mouth to ass surgery, on none other than, the three of them. He also elaborates on the digestion process, and how all three will be connected by one connective system of digestion, where the food will be eaten by the first, then passed through the anus, into the mouth of the second, upon which the same is repeated through the third, and finally, excreted. Understandably, they all freak out upon hearing this, especially Katsuro who rages in Japanese, screaming at how he is going to kick the doctor’s ass, but obviously unable to, due to the hand restraints.

We see Dr. Heiter performing parts of the surgery, but not all that much of it, and it may have been more visually appealing if they showed more of the actual cutting.

During the surgery, I kept thinking that if it were me that were one of the parts of the centipede, I would definitely prefer to be the first part, therefore my mouth would not have to be on anyone’s ass, and of course I would not have to ingest anyone’s feces.

Luckily for Katsuro, he gets to be the lead, and also have a girls mouth on his ass, so I don’t know why he keeps bitching throughout the movie. Not so lucky for the second segment, which is Lindsay, who literally has to take his shit. While Jenny’s mouth is connected to Lindsay’s rear, she is fortunate enough to escape the second passing, because there seems to be a god after all; Lindsay just happens to be constipated!

I had a problem with the way the centipede looked in its entirety. The connection between the mouths and asses were actually covered by bandages, so it didn’t really seem all that real. I also had an issue with the constant crying and moaning of the centipede. Not only did it feel like a strange porno, but it was annoying and distracting, and while I can handle any amount of gore, I think that too much of an unpleasant sound can become psychologically irritating.

Also, I didn’t really like the doctor’s relationship between him and the centipede, and how abusive and domineering he was toward it. Call me strange, but perhaps, if he was loving towards his Frankensteinian monstrosity, in a creepy sort of way, it would have been easier to watch.

At a Northern American premiere of The Human Centipede, when Tom Six was asked what his inspiration for the film was, he said, “It’s a really simple idea.” “I always made the joke to friends… if somebody was nasty or annoying…I said…to stitch his mouth to the ass of a fat truck driver…that’s horrible. That is really horrible and I thought that’s a great idea for a horror film,” he said.

Six explained to the audience that he actually went to a surgeon in Rome, who was also a movie lover and read the script. The surgeon ended up giving Six a detailed version of how such an operation would be performed, and also claimed that the procedure in the movie is  100% medically accurate and that if it were to be done in reality, the centipede could actually live a “really long time”.

After watching Six’s appearance at the premier, I came away with the impression that he has a good sense of humor and does not seem to take himself, or the idea too seriously. His lighthearted approach towards the film adds a different perspective towards it, and while I do think that the concept of the movie is fascinating, its execution was not, so much so.

Queens of Noise

Culture, Featured

Queens of Noise

No Comments 12 April 2010

By Chrysa Pik

Reminiscing back to the eighties, I can say for myself, that Joan Jett was a familiar name during that time, and a name that for many, sparked a mental image of the iconic female rebel of rock n’ roll. One thing that both Jett and I have in common, is that we were both born on the same month and day of September 22nd, making us both Virgoans on the cusp of Libra. Other than that similarity, I would have to say that I never started an all girl rock band, or had a #1 hit cover, or been the epitome of coolness, at least outside of my own mind.

Although, I didn’t really know that much about The Runaways, the all girl teen-aged rock band, that Jett started in 1975, I knew that they came to fruition somewhere in the 70s, and were one of the predecessors in paving the way for other exceptional females, such as The Go-Gos, The Bangles, Hole, Bikini Kill, L7, and The Donnas. The curiosity to know more about Jett’s history as a musician, and the band’s history as a whole, is what really prompted me to go see the movie.

The Runaways, is based on the book, Neon Angel: A Memoir of the Runaways, which is written by Cherie Currie, and Tony O’Neill. Currie was the lead singer of the The Runaways, and O’Neill, a New York based author and one time musician.

The film is directed by Floria Sigismondi, and produced by Joan Jett, Kenny Laguna, and Brian Young. Sigismondi is known for directing music videos for artists such as Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, Bjork, The Cure, The White Stripes, Interpol, Incubus, Christina Aguilera, Muse, Sigur Ros, and Incubus.

Director, Floria Sigismondi

The opening scene did grab my attention, primarily because it involved bodily fluids. A drop of blood on the street as two teenaged girls dressed in skirts cross to the other side, running to the bathroom, to switch underwear. The menstruating victim turns out to be Cherry Currie, played by Dakota Fanning, and the movie opens, as it focuses on her close relationship with her sister Marie Currie. Marie Currie is played by Riley Keough, daughter of Lisa Mary Presley, and oldest grandchild of Elvis.

The two sisters grow up in California, in a dysfunctional family, with an alcoholic dad, and a self-obsessed mom who impulsively decides to just get up and move to Indonesia with her fiancée. Marie is the more boring and responsible older sister, who works a steady job at a fast food joint, while Cherrie escapes her empty family life by fantasizing about rock n’ roll, specifically David Bowie. We see her idolization of him at her high school talent show, where she lip syncs to “Lady Grinning Soul” with her face dressed in glam rock makeup. Students boo her off the stage, and she walks off while flipping the bird to the audience with both hands.

I was curious to see Dakota Fanning, being that I haven’t really seen her in anything since War of the Worlds, so for me this was going to be my first viewing of her in a more “adult” role, even though she is only 15 in the movie. Great role for Fanning to break out with, as her unspoken announcement to the world that she is no longer a child actress, incase there were those who weren’t aware.

Fanning plays a drug induced Currie, who was also only 15-years old when the band started, and is scantily clad in a corset, fishnets and platform boots. I was particularly impressed by her acting in a specific scene where the group was being filmed in Japan during their performance of “Cherry Bomb”. Crushing uppers beneath her platform boots, right before snorting them off the floor, she lets it all out on the stage, and performs as the 16 year old Currie did, more than 30 years ago.

The idea that Twilight star Kristen Stewart was playing Jett, was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to see this film. I’m not a big fan of Stewart, being that she is not exactly known for her high-energy acting, and sometimes watching her act is as exciting as watching a dog urinate. I must admit though, that I actually think she wasn’t as bad as I thought she would be, compared to her previous roles. Even though critics, and Joan Jett herself, claimed she did such an impressive job, describing her work as “quiet intensity”, I still wasn’t all that moved by her performance.

I was surprised to see that Fanning seemed to steal the show, being that Stewart seemed to be more of the focus in previews. Fanning’s role dealt with the most struggle and inner conflict, and the band’s existence seemed to revolve around her, so for those reasons, she took the lead on this one.

Although, Stewart’s character is significant, because after all Jett is the pivotal reason the band comes together, but she doesn’t seem to say all that much in the film, and her part seemed to be somewhat underwritten. Although, I have read that Jett has been described by some as being quiet, until she performs.

It was impressive to see that both Stewart and Fanning actually sang themselves, in the movie, which helped in adding to the believability of the band.

Something else that helped in strengthening the movie was Michael Shannon, who played eccentric and eyeliner wearing producer Kim Fowley, son of actors Douglas Fowley and Shelby Payne.

Jett convinces Fowley after just meeting him outside a rock club, that he should start an all girl rock band, in which he agrees to, and then introduces her to drummer Sandy West. Jett and West practice in a garage until Fowley realizes that they’re missing something. That something is sex, and so, they go out to the local club searching for an attractive girl to front their band, which is where Currie comes in the picture.

Shannon, who was nominated for an Academy Award for Revolutionary Road (2008), does a great job with his eccentric performance as Fowley, and was casted well in this part. Shannon comes across effectively as blunt and crude, and also brings some humor into the movie, although according to some, Kim Fowley was nothing more than a sexist who made money off of exploiting the vulnerable females, especially Currie.

“He’s a genius,” said Kim Fowley about Shannon in an interview with Chris Estey from KEXP Blog.” “He’s the new Christopher Walken. And I’m privileged that he was able to get enough of me to make it watchable. It transcended the printed page. He’s working with Martin Scorcese on his Broadway project, that’s what he’s doing now. This guy’s like John Garfield or Humphrey Bogart playing you. I mean, wouldn’t you like that?”

Kim Fowley, present day

The Runaways existed from around 1975-1979. Band members included Joan Jett (rhythm guitar and vocals), Cherie Currie (Vocals), Lita Ford(Lead Guitar), Sandy West(Drums), and both Micki Steele and Peggy Foster played bass guitar briefly but were replaced in 1975 by Jackie Fox. In 1977, Vicky Blue replaced Fox on bass, and in 1978 Laura McAllister replaced Blue.

The actual band, The Runaways. From left: Joan Jett, Sandy West, Cherrie Currie, Jackie Fox, and Lita Ford.

Overall, the movie was entertaining, on a superficial level. The Runaway’s unraveling, from the middle to the end of the movie, happens so fast, and without any depth, that it’s hard to understand the dynamics within the band that ends up destroying them. We get the obvious gist that there was a whole lot of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll involved, but the only person it seems to affect in the most negative sense is Currie, not being able to deal with all the attention and addictions, while Jett just seems to be more concerned with her music.

At the end of the movie, the focus then transfers over to Jett, and the viewer gets a sense of how she goes off on her own to start the beginning of her very own career.

The film on a whole seemed to be more concerned with projecting the bands image, and I can already foresee its marketing tactics succeed as a bunch of teenaged girls will most likely be running around wearing “The Runaway” tee-shirts tucked in their tight leather pants.

“And Jett hastens to explain that ‘The Runaways’ is absolutely not a biopic,” said Gary Graff, writer from Film Journal. “It’s not fact-for-fact. What they did was basically take elements from the Runaways story and created a parallel narrative.”

Not really a movie to take seriously, but a fun flick, to watch. It was interesting to learn about the backgrounds of the singers and how they came together. The Runaways made me want to revert to my younger years, when mortality was overlooked and life seemed everlasting. It also made me want to do a lot of drugs, listen to music, and be really irresponsible. Unfortunately, I had to wake up early the next morning to go to work, so I opted instead to just have a cup of coffee, and went to bed an hour later than usual. What can I say… it’s the rebel in me.

Mid-August Lunch at Cinemonde

Culture, Featured

Mid-August Lunch at Cinemonde

3 Comments 26 March 2010

I just recently attended my first experience at Cinemonde, an invitation only, “private Manhattan series for thought-provoking cinema”, held in the Tribeca Grand Hotel on 2nd Avenue of the Americas.

I thought the night was going to start off on a somewhat awkward note when we discovered, to our dismay, that our names were not on the guest list.  An anxiety-induced scene of getting tossed out of the front door and forever blacklisted was soon cut by the cordial greeting of Jerry Rudes, host of the event, who took our word that we were in fact invited guests and allowed us in.

Rudes is also the founder and director of both the 25-year-old Avignon Film Festival in France, and the 13-year-old Avignon Film Festival in New York.

I thought things couldn’t get any better until I was greeted by my long lost friend, Martini.  Martini sat atop the bar along with some other friends, also by the name of Martini.  Martini and Martinis were all perfectly lined up in formation, ready for the call of duty; It was a beautiful sight that brought tears to my eyes.   In the middle of getting choked up in this happy reunion, I nearly fell to my knees. Waiters began swirling around me with trays of gourmet hors d’oeuvres, each one was either hot, cheesy, crusty, or spicy, but all were calling my name. Eventually I came to and realized there were living and breathing people all around me as well:  Russian actors and writers, purse designers, a Swedish singer, Scottish men in skirts who offered lethal shots of whiskey, an aspiring director seeking an American producer to shoot his screenplay, but of course only in Amsterdam, and a myriad of other cinematic lovers and entrepreneurs.

While there were so many compelling reasons for me to be at Cinemonde that night, including the raffle drawing that held the potential of winning a bottle of Paris Hilton’s Siren perfume (which I ended up winning), the main reason was the screening of an Italian film, Pranzo di Ferragosto, translated as Mid-August Lunch. I was especially excited to see this film because it is Italian actor and screenwriter Gianni Di Gregorio’s directorial debut. Gregorio also wrote the screenplay and stars in the film, as well.

Being a small production based on a simple plot, with vibrant characters, Mid-August Lunch reminds me why I love watching foreign films.

Gregorio plays Gianni, a single man in his mid-sixties living in Rome with his 93-year-old Mamma, Valeria, played by Valeria De Franciscis. The film takes place during the summer holiday of Ferragosto, where almost everyone in Italy celebrates the feast by going on vacation, everyone that is except for Gianni, his mother, and anyone else who has nowhere to go.


Gianni is having trouble keeping up with his bills, so when the building supervisor Luigi, makes a deal with him to help him out financially, he can’t refuse. The only catch is that Gianni must watch over this man’s elderly mother, Marina, so that he can be free to go on vacation. Although resistant to the idea, Gianni eventually agrees, reluctantly, and before you know it, he is suckered into watching this man’s aunt Maria, in addition to the mom, after he squeezes her in last minute. Just when you think that it can’t get any worse, his friend Marcello, the neighborhood doctor, stops by to give Gianni a check-up because he is experiencing chest pains. As he tells him to take it easy, he also throws in his mom Grazia into the mix as well, since he is also going on vacation.


Poor Gianni! While everyone else is away to frolic, he is left to baby sit these four feisty women, who come with instructions, warnings, disputes, and plenty of idiosyncrasies, and how he handles this whole situation is a comedy in itself.

Gregorio is charming and comes across as warm and gentle soul, who is able to laugh at himself and the card he has been handed. While most people would be pulling their hair out, Gianni escapes this circus within his countless glasses of wine, and only agrees to wait hand and foot on the demanding ladies, only after they bribe him with monetary incentive, which he doesn’t even think twice about accepting.

All of the women, with their own unique personalities, are adorable and subtly hysterical, and I craved watching more of their quirky dispositions.

There’s the one who inappropriately repeats the same thing over and over again, another who sneaks in cheese casserole into bed at night because her restricted diet doesn’t allow her to have any, and another who aggressively hits on Gianni after having one too many drinks.

Gianni’s mother Valeria, is a bright and colorful character and has a childlike presence that tickles the viewer with delight. She speaks with an elegant and devilish sense of humor, as is always instructing her son on what he needs to do. I was surprised to find out that she is new at acting, because she was such a natural, and seemed to have a lot of experience, as an actress.


I loved the shots in the movie, which displayed a great sense of realism, especially in the apartment, which happens to be Gregoria’s actual living quarters in real life. Also, the outdoor scenes when Gianni is roaming the streets of Rome on the back of his buddy Viking’s Vespa, were beautifully captured.

This is the kind of movie that does not adhere to one type of viewer, but can be enjoyed by both young and old, and within any type of culture. It looks at the humorous side of aging, rather than the gloomy, and reminds the viewer that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously.

This was one of my favorite movies I have seen this year. Un bel film! Thanks to Cinemonde for the experience!


Woes of a Documentary: Film Review of October Country (2009)

Culture, Featured

Woes of a Documentary: Film Review of October Country (2009)

1 Comment 22 March 2010

Last week I decided to see October Country, a documentary film which was playing at the IFC. The film, set in the economically depressed upstate New York area of Mohawk Valley, follows the emotionally dysfunctional Mosher family from one Halloween to the next. Eighty minutes and $12 later, I kind of wished I made another movie choice, mainly because I went in with the expectation of witnessing an open sore of reality, but instead came out thinking most of the characters and events were hidden underneath a layer of artistic bandages.

October Country reminded me of a dressed up reality show. The editing and cinematic shots softened potentially repellent characters, typically found on unruly talk shows, for the purpose of invoking compassion and empathy.

Responsible for creating this mood are two directors, Donal Mosher and Michael Palmieri. Mosher has prior experience as a photographer and is also related to the Mosher family. Palmieri has experience in directing stop-motion art films, shorts, and music videos of artists such as Beck and Foo Fighters.

Kevin Lee, a reporter from The Auteurs, addresses the cinematic approach of the documentary’s deliverance, in an interview with the two filmmakers, entitled, “Aesthetic Voodoo: An Interview with the Filmmakers of Voodoo Country”. Lee states, “And maybe that speaks to why some critics take issue even with your film, because they consider overt stylization to be antithetical to any true depiction of reality.”

I must agree with the “some critics” that Lee mentions. There were many times I questioned if I was viewing a documentary or an art film. It seemed that the directors felt they needed to add their own external elements to accentuate their production in order to more befittingly fit their artistic vision.

After the movie was over I couldn’t stop thinking about one particular scene in which the grandfather, a post-traumatically stressed war veteran, talks about his experience as a young soldier returning home. Emotionally scarred from witnessing so many die, he becomes closed off from his family, internalizing his dark feelings and thoughts.

As he is verbally reliving this to the camera, old black and white war footage of soldiers fighting is playing in the background. This detail lent an obvious sense of orchestration to the film. I found it to be too perfectly timed, and too much of a coincidence that this man happened to be watching a war story while being interviewed about his personal war experience.

Palmieri said, “It depends on how you as a viewer are approaching a piece of work.” “If you’re going there and you’re looking for a “document,” you’re not prepared for the experience of what we’re doing, which is what we call creative non-fiction. You’re adhering to the facts of the matter, but you’re also commenting in as lyrical a fashion as you can, how the voice of the filmmakers comes into the project.”

Although I don’t question the integrity of the film as a whole, I do question possible restraints of specific parts of the film. I wonder if certain actions and emotions of the family members might have been cut by the directors. Perhaps those moments might have changed their vision or the mood of the film they desired, or possibly interfered with how the directors preferred to portray the family.

“And we are interested in countering those stereotypes with as real as possible, or as lyrically real, images of people that are typically portrayed as hysterical morons on television,” said Palmieri.

While their method may be successful in countering those stereotypes, it can be argued that it is not the most authentic way of filming a documentary. It seems that Palmieri’s definition of “lyrically real”, insinuates to some degree, that by using their artistic and poetic interpretation they are representing this family the way that they would like to, as opposed to how they may be in their most natural state.

Also, they touched upon some interesting subjects, but only skimmed the surface of each one. By focusing on the more superficial presentation of the issues at hand, rather than digging deeper into them, or at least one of them, undermines the overall seriousness of the film. I actually felt the tone of the movie leaned more on the lighthearted and humorous side, which didn’t quite coincide with the content. With issues at hand such as domestic and sexual abuse, I got the feeling that either the family wasn’t being completely real with how they felt, or the filmmakers didn’t do a good job in being more aggressive and asking the right questions. Perhaps even the family and/or filmmakers opted to not expose that emotional side, because of either artistic limitations that they set for themselves, or they might have just wanted to avoid further exploitation.

If I am about to see what is referred to as a “documentary”, I want to experience something that penetrates beneath the surface of someone’s existence. I want to find a deeper understanding of something that I can’t relate to, and why their circumstances are the way they are. Otherwise, I might as well just look at some photographs, and let my imagination take me on what would probably be a better film.

The duo did create nice still shots and were successful in creating moments of aesthetic refinement, but both seemed to be more concerned with the imagery rather than the pulp of the movie. As a documentary on all levels, the film is not one that provides viewers with a deeply provoking experience; it does, however, incite productive discussion.

*On a side note, I found it unusual that almost all of the Mosher family’s first names begin with the letter D, although it wasn’t something that was brought up in the movie. Well, there is Don the grandfather, Dottie the grandmother, Debbie the aunt, Donna the daughter, Donal the grandson who is the director and not shown in the movie, Daneal the granddaughter, and Desi the granddaughter. What’s up with that? The only ones whose names don’t begin with a D are Ruby, which is Daneal’s baby, and Chris, which is the foster kid who was already named prior to entering the family.

Introducing Chrysa Pik: Our New Feature Blogger

Culture, Featured

Introducing Chrysa Pik: Our New Feature Blogger

2 Comments 22 March 2010

I am a heterosexual first generation Greek-American female, whose daily life is a struggle in trying to live up to the expectations of the likes of Michael Dukakis and John Stamos. Hearing loss has led to the disturbance of my cerebral equilibrium. Psychotic tendencies may be apparent in my writing, but are only obvious to a licensed professional. Although, I have not lost my sense of truth, and one will always get my most straightforward opinion within my articles. I am also providing a risk free guarantee that as a reader, you will be highly entertained.

I enjoy watching movies from all genres and budgets, and I don’t believe there is such a thing as a bad movie; just a bad viewing, which really is a personal experience. While there are a myriad of films that I appreciate, some of my favorite directors from some of the more well-known ones include, David Lynch, Coen Brothers, Wes Anderson, Alfred Hitchcock, Quentin Tarantino, Woody Allen, John Carpenter, Stanley Kubrick, Tim Burton, and Martin Scorsese.

Some fun and random facts about me, and yes, they are all true:

I am an emotional eater, and turn to cake as my salvation, preferably with lots of frosting. I have a talent that according to Ripley’s Believe it or Not, only 1 in 1000 people have, which is flipping the front half of my tongue upwards. I robbed a cab when I was 7, and I am convinced that my karma was befittingly assigned to me when I was tricked into an episode of Cash Cab as an adult, where I proceeded to miss every question except for the one about the fabric softener bear, where the correct answer was Snuggles, and it was actually the free call to a friend that got me the answer. At the age of 17, I now shamefully admit to cursing out an old man, when I stole a handicapped parking spot from him, at which he responded to me, “Your mother should wash out your mouth with soap, young lady.” Karma, once again came back to bite me, when I started to work for an ambulance company thinking I would be saving lives. Instead, all I did was transfer one demented elderly after another to their nursing homes, as they absurdly rambled to me about their visual hallucinations, and physically abused me as I tried to take their vital signs. I dressed as a big furry raccoon for 2 years where I was once assaulted and beheaded by a newscaster on live television. I am obsessed with Michael Myers and own my very own Michael Myer’s collectible figurine that sits by the foot of my bed. I’ve totaled three of my cars in my lifetime, where in one of them I fractured my right arm. I’ve worked at approximately 6 diners spanning the Long Island area, one of which burned down just recently. I used to promote Donald Trump’s line of vodka in some of the most impoverished and ghetto areas of New York. I used to teach small children, mainly with the hopes that with enough brainwashing, they would someday take over the world for me, but that dream was shattered when I realized that they could hardly count to twelve.

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