I am a heterosexual first generation Greek-American female, whose daily life is a struggle in trying to live up to the expectations of the likes of Michael Dukakis and John Stamos. Hearing loss has led to the disturbance of my cerebral equilibrium. Psychotic tendencies may be apparent in my writing, but are only obvious to a licensed professional. Although, I have not lost my sense of truth, and one will always get my most straightforward opinion within my articles. I am also providing a risk free guarantee that as a reader, you will be highly entertained.

I enjoy watching movies from all genres and budgets, and I don’t believe there is such a thing as a bad movie; just a bad viewing, which really is a personal experience. While there are a myriad of films that I appreciate, some of my favorite directors from some of the more well-known ones include, David Lynch, Coen Brothers, Wes Anderson, Alfred Hitchcock, Quentin Tarantino, Woody Allen, John Carpenter, Stanley Kubrick, Tim Burton, and Martin Scorsese.

Some fun and random facts about me, and yes, they are all true:

I am an emotional eater, and turn to cake as my salvation, preferably with lots of frosting. I have a talent that according to Ripley’s Believe it or Not, only 1 in 1000 people have, which is flipping the front half of my tongue upwards. I robbed a cab when I was 7, and I am convinced that my karma was befittingly assigned to me when I was tricked into an episode of Cash Cab as an adult, where I proceeded to miss every question except for the one about the fabric softener bear, where the correct answer was “Snuggles”, and it was actually the free call to a friend that got me the answer. At the age of 17, I now shamefully admit to cursing out an old man, when I stole a handicapped parking spot from him, at which he responded to me, “Your mother should wash out your mouth with soap, young lady.” Karma, once again came back to bite me, when I started to work for an ambulance company thinking I would be saving lives. Instead, all I did was transfer one demented elderly after another to their nursing homes, as they absurdly rambled to me about their visual hallucinations, and physically abused me as I tried to take their vital signs. I dressed as a big furry raccoon for 2 years where I was once assaulted and beheaded by a newscaster on live television. I am obsessed with Michael Myers and own my very own Michael Myer’s collectible figurine that sits by the foot of my bed. I’ve totaled three of my cars in my lifetime, where in one of them I fractured my right arm. I’ve worked at approximately 6 diners spanning the Long Island area, one of which burned down just recently. I used to promote Donald Trump’s line of vodka in some of the most impoverished and ghetto areas of New York. I used to teach small children, mainly with the hopes that with enough brainwashing, they would someday take over the world for me, but that dream was shattered when I realized that they could hardly count to twelve.